Kate Middleton’s reputation has gone off the rails a bit in the past few months, with increasingly frequent (and increasingly snide) news reports in the UK papers suggesting she display self-respect and dump Prince William (it’ll be a cold day in hell), stop conducting weekly club crawls (touché) or get a job (how would that work, exactly?  Does nobody remember Sophie Rhys-Jones?).  Previous royal wives and girlfriends have demonstrated that, if the public and the papers turn on you, you’d better have thick skin and prepare yourself for gleeful displays of schadenfreude if you dare mess up.  (The roller-skating incident is already down in royal-watcher history.)  And yet…I can’t make myself turn away.

After weeks underground, Kate Middleton has emerged (all sparkly!), hosting an 80’s themed roller disco charity bash in London last night to benefit a children’s hospital ward.  (Embarassingly, she also fell flat on her toned bum.)  It was recently revealed that Kate will have to wait at least two more years for that crown, and you know how fascinated I am by the would-be Queen.  What does one do while in the very odd position of waiting…and waiting…and waiting for the future King of England to propose?  (Or, methinks, for the future King of England to make official the pre-proposal that has already taken place.)  Waity Katie keeps herself looking fabulous, trim and impeccably glossy, of course–shiny hair, that one…but what else?

Let’s dissect Kate Middleton’s princess-in-waiting look at a recent wedding, shall we?

1) A sunkissed tan.  Princesses don’t spend time locked away in windowless offices–they summer.  They’re also blessed with genes that allow skin to bronze the perfect shade of golden…never red…never orange.

2) Expertly coiffed, shiny, subtly highlighted hair.  Because nothing says royalty like the luxury of affording three hour, £650 a pop housecalls thrice weekly.

3) Bright, clear eyes.  It’s those genes, darling.

4) Softly gleaming teeth.  Not too white, of course - that’s for Hollywood.  So gauche.

5) Barely there makeup: light defined eyes, strong but well-groomed brows and–of course–flushed, virginal cheeks.  (The quiet confidence that comes from possessing a huge, life-changing secret?  Well, that’s just gravy.)

It’s almost yawn-inducing: yet another appearance of Kate Middleton at an upper-crust event (in this case, the wedding of Lady Rose, daughter of the Duke of Gloucester), flawless hair gleaming, killer legs leading the way.   But that “almost” contains the space between promise and fulfillment; between dreams and reality.  This girl’s entire existence currently hinges on the concept of ”almost”…and every little glimpse of the march toward history is just too fascinating–and c’mon, kind of perilous–to be boring. 

So, lovelies…when’s the date? 

Siblings Gabriella and Freddie Windsor (I find Gabriella really adorable and don’t understand why she doesn’t receive more coverage)

Peter and Autumn Phillips

All photos from Dailymail.co.uk

Ring?  Who needs a ring?  Kate Middleton chills out at this weekend’s 46664 concert in London, looking gorgeous as always.  Does this chick ever have a bad hair day?  I Googled “Kate Middleton” and “hair” (yeah, make of that what you will) and came across this fascinating article from the Daily Mail that I remember devouring a couple years back.  It appears that Kate visits Richard Ward in Chelsea off the Kings Road, which is hardly surprising, since Richard is one of the most high profile hairstylists in England.  (He does countless celebrities, as well as a few royals like Sophie, Countess of Wessex, but is most famously linked to Elizabeth Hurley.)  I wonder…do you think Richard’s minions make housecalls, or is Kate simply ridiculously good at the personal blowouts?  And how much time does she spend getting ready every day?  Does she wear sweats and sport ratty ponytails on her days off from making fabulous public appearances, or lounge around her house looking like butter wouldn’t melt?  Things to ponder.  (Very frivolous things…but still.)

Photo from People.com

Kate Middleton and Chelsy Davy looked every inch the Professional Girlfriends this weekend as they watched their Princes play polo at Beaufort Polo Club in Gloucestershire.  Reportedly, Kate’s mom Carole was finally set to meet The Queen this weekend at Royal Ascot, but those rumors seem to have gone nowhere.

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Well, it’s certainly no polo game: Kate Middleton glammed it up this weekend at a charity boxing match at the Royal Lancaster Hotel in London.  Word on the high street is that Kate and Prince William will announce their (already in place) engagement next year.  With every passing month, Kate more firmly establishes herself as a style icon, sticking to classic colors, shapes and styles in her wardrobe, and going the Anna Wintour route of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” with regard to her hair.  Kate reminds me of a young Queen Rania of Jordan, who also favors long, loose waves and sophisticated, simple, monochromatic (occasionally mumsy!) ensembles.  Plus, their skin is always perfectly tanned, eyes are always lightly yet consistently defined, and the hair is glossy, glossy, glossy. 

Photo from DailyMail.co.uk

What, like being a fabulously dressed, glossy-haired Princess-in-training isn’t a full time job in itself?  (Those gams don’t tone and tan themselves, you know!)  Sigh.  Those royals are so demanding.

Photo from Dailymail.co.uk

I want to know what kind of voodoo this girl is working to keep her hair looking fabulous around the clock, even while stumbling out of Mahiki at 2 am.