As you can imagine, my mother’s illness has put me into a very spiritual, answer-seeking state of mind. Mama Jolie isn’t responding to her chemo treatments and the cancer has progressed to stage IV and spread pretty much everywhere, so the outlook is grim. This is leading to several things in my life: less clarity of mind to blog, especially on random products that I just don’t feel strongly about; a sense of urgency, both to make moments count and to pursue passions and talents; frustration when things don’t go my way (I will admit that, in my head, I’ll occasionally whine at the universe, like, “Come on! A little help here, please!”); and then annoyance at myself for not being zen and for letting my ego get the best of me.
Late last year, I had a falling out with an old friend, and her parting words were “Good luck cleansing your aura,” which was meant to be a put down, I suppose. It’s been a tough year for me, even more so than when I had my Ladies’ Home Journal/Seventeen fiasco years back. I’ve moved, struggled (a lot!) to make ends meet, lost a close friend, fallen in love, faced the reality of losing my mother, and dealt with the overwhelming doubt that comes from pursuing a far-fetched dream that (only) you feel is attainable…but is ever-so-slightly beyond your grasp. Although I’m a just a regular old person like any other—at any point alternately happy, sad, selfish, giving, open-minded, stubborn and a mass of contradictions—I do try to be the very best person I can be, and knowing that my mother will be gone soon makes me want to honor her by being good, doing good and making it all worth it. Nobody’s perfect, so I think there’s beauty and wonder in simply trying, whatever your issues and goals and gifts and personal setbacks might be.
Along with millions of others (at my mom’s request!) I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, and it’s speaking to me on a very profound level. When I get buzzing or stressed, running around like a little chicken with my head cut off, I can pick it up, flip to any page, and find something that calms and recenters me. I really recommend it. It deals with ego, the self and the importance of living in the moment…so, yeah, it’s a hippie-drippy self-help book. (Oh, California, what have you done to me?) Regardless, if you’re a fellow seeker, check it out. If you’re not, it’s back to our regularly scheduled programming later today with a beauty giveaway from Clinique. Love to you all, xo, J.
