A Long December…or, one for my mother Nancy
I’m currently in Houston, visiting Mama Jolie in the hospital. Longtime readers know that my mother was diagnosed with lymphoma earlier in the year, and while she initially seemed to be fighting it, things have not been looking positive these past few days. I saw her tonight for the first time in a few months, and it was shocking: she’s dwindled to 80 pounds, can neither walk or talk, and seemed to use all her energy mustering a fleeting smile as my brother and I entered the room. I don’t know what awaits, but I don’t look forward to it.
It’s hard to blog at a time like this, and yet, enjoying mini-luxuries like makeup and fragrance are part of what keeps life…well…beautiful. A few days ago, at Studio at Fred Segal in Santa Monica (my new favorite beauty emporium!), I sniffed Juara Tiare Jasmine Perfume oil and fell in love. I seek pleasure in perfume the way some oenophiles discover Nirvana in a bottle of Pinot, and let me tell you–this Indonesian-inspired scent is what dreams are made of.
Everybody deals with loss in their own way: some shut down, others work like fiends. Me–I suppose I blog about it for the world to read, carelessly wrapped up in a throwaway post about perfume.
One of the big lessons I’m taking with me is not a cliche but a truth. It’s the small stuff that matters. I won’t miss the vague notion of a mother, but the thousands of details that added up to Nancy: her bright laugh, her unflappable belief in her children, the fact that I could put the phone down and walk into the bathroom and she’d still be yammering away three minutes later upon my return. Like every human, she was not perfect, but she was mine. I’m already staring down the long road that remains with the realization that I will regret the missed phone calls, the days, months and years spent apart, the time focused on the minor negatives instead of the shining positives.
Jolie’s beauty advice for the day (okay, other than buying the Juara Tiare Jasmine perfume oil) is to call somebody who means something to you, and tell them that you love them. It will make two people’s worlds happier, and the bundle of all those wonderful memories is, in the end, what makes a life worth living.
Tags: Juara Tiare Jasmine Perfume oil, Mama Jolie, Studio at Fred Segal
December 10th, 2008 at 2:11 am
Hey Jolie,
I’m very sorry to hear that your mom’s doing poorly. I don’t dare claim to know how you feel but I can definitely say that I understand - my dad has some sort of rare pancreatic cancer that he’s been fighting for 3 years now. He was once comfortably over 180lbs but has since dropped down to 120lbs. It’s frightening and heartbreaking to helplessly watch as he suffers (the doctors are calling it terminal) but he’s not giving up hope so I’m not going to either. It’s easier said than done of course but you always have to remember that anything can happen..seriously.
Keep your head up dear! Don’t dwell on the possibility of the negative. Don’t ever give in. Stay strong. <3
December 10th, 2008 at 4:50 am
Your mom did a wonderful job with you — anyone who can have such a beautiful outlook at a time like this obviously had a very loving mother raise her. My thoughts are with you and your family right now.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:37 am
I agree with Bex- she must have done a wonderful job with you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Nadine, my thoughts are with you and your family through this difficult time.
December 10th, 2008 at 8:42 am
I am so sorry you have to go through that.
I have been reading your blog for a long time and I am happy to know you have lots of people around you to offer support because you will need it my friend.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as well.
December 10th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I shall continue to keep your mom in my thoughts and prayers………..and you should continue with the knowledge that your mom must be very proud of the daughter she has raised and all her accomplishments.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:09 am
I’m also thinking of you, your mother, and the rest of your family.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:02 am
my thoughts are with you & your mom and family. there really are no words at a time like this, but we say what we can.
your mom sounds wonderful, and she loves you and you her. thats so important. abd being there for her now is as well.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:03 am
My prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Jolie,
I’ve been where you are with my dad and my coping mechanism was to clean everything in sight. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:17 am
My prayers are with you and your family.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:54 am
The beauty to be found in this difficult and sad situation is that your mom embarks on the next chapter of her life knowing that she loved and was wholly loved in return. And that is all that matters in the end.
Courage to you all.
December 10th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
So sorry to hear about your mom. I know what it is like to watch a parent be ill. I will be thinking about you.
December 10th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I am so sorry about your mom and I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Stay strong beautiful girl!
December 10th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Nadine, I care, and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
December 10th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Your advice about telling those you love that you love them is good… if I get the urge I’ll always pick up the phone and call my mom, even if it’s 3 in the morning.
Mom: “Hello? Who is this? It’s 3am!”
Linz: “I love you Mom!”
Mom: “Oh honey…that’s great…I love you too…but couldn’t it have waited until a civilized hour?”
December 10th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Nadine, your blog brought tears…my thoughts are with you.
December 10th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Sending out all of my love and affection to you and your family.
December 10th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Dear Jolie,
I’m saying a prayer for you and your mother. Thank you for your words, humor, and bright spirit.
A hug,
Elena
December 10th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Dear Nadine,
I am so sorry to hear about your mom’s health declining. My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.
Sending wishes of health and peace,
cluft
December 10th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Nadine,
I’m sorry to hear that your mom is not doing well. Keep positive and forget about the what ifs. Your mom certainly raised you to be a strong, independent, successful woman and I’m sure she is very happy and proud that this is what you’ve become already.
Sending love, well wishes and good thoughts to you, your mom and the rest of your family.
–Meg
December 10th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Nadine-
I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
You are so right about the small things being the important things. As someone who likes to gloss over things and focus on the big picture (except for when writing), I’ve also noticed this in the last few years. I am fortunate to come from a family that is “all in the details” and does whatever can be done to achieve the “nice life” (and perhaps it’s why I don’t– I’ve taken it for granted). But I’ve noticed lately that the nicest memories in life are all in the details, and all in going to the extra effort– those small moments you spend with people, the tasteful things you surround yourself with, the small gifts you receive from a loved one out of the blue or a special day spent together.
While this is a rough time, one of the roughest you may meet, you can take comfort in the fact that you have a mom that had those special moments to give, and lots of love.
December 10th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I’m so very sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my father to cancer two years ago and I know how sad and helpless you must be feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take care.
December 10th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
That was beautiful Nadine. Brought me to tears. I am terribly sorry to hear about your mother, and if blogging helps you deal with your pain, continue to do so because I, as well as many others, will always be here to read.
December 11th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Nadine,
That was beautifully written and it brought tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be, especially during the Christmas season. I feel like it sounds so trite and cliche, but ever since I caught the gist of this over Facebook, I’ve been praying for strength for you and your family and will continue to do se.
December 11th, 2008 at 9:58 am
Nadine,
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and I am so sorry to hear this! My thoughts and prayers are with you — I hope this doesn’t make you feel worse, but just so you know, right after reading this I went to call my mom … and then she called me 2 minutes later, lol. You’re right about appreciating and remembering the good things about our loved ones, even though we may not (and my mother and I have opposite personalities that clash sometimes) always get along with them, fight, or whatever.
I agree with a previous commenter: if it helps you, by all means keep writing and get it out. Even though you may not think so, you sound so incredibly strong even now. I wish you and your family all the best, and hope.
December 11th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Nadine,
I’m thinking about you and your family. I’m in Houston too if you want to get together with a friend from the blogosphere.
xoxo,
Jennifer
December 11th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Nadine,
I am so sorry to hear this. I am a faithful reader of your blog and a fan of your book.
I am a member of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training - I’m currently training to run a marathon for them - and would be happy to keep your mom in mind while I am running.
xo
December 11th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
How beautiful of you to be so vulnerable right now. I am holding you, your mother and your family in the most tender of embraces. I am praying that you are all enveloped with healing light filled with faith and compassion and love.
December 11th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I am so so sorry to hear about this and I am thinking of you and your family… At least you can all be together now and your post was just so positive - stay strong. xx, E
December 12th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Nadine, I’m thinking of you! I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s condition and am wishing the best for her.
Amber
December 12th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Cancer is a bitch. I hope that your mom can be comfortable and happy at this time, and that you can find peace. I hope she makes a miraculous turnaround. know that we’re all pulling for you and her.
December 12th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
I have one of your books and enjoy your blog but have never posted before. Cancer took my father a year and a half ago. I’m sorry for what you’re going through and hope that your memories continue to offer you comfort.
December 13th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Nadine, you’ve shown all your loyal readers that you know how to weather a storm and deal with all the unexpected messes life can throw at you. Be strong for your mama and be sure to tell her how proud we are of you!