One For My Mom
As you can imagine, my mother’s illness has put me into a very spiritual, answer-seeking state of mind. Mama Jolie isn’t responding to her chemo treatments and the cancer has progressed to stage IV and spread pretty much everywhere, so the outlook is grim. This is leading to several things in my life: less clarity of mind to blog, especially on random products that I just don’t feel strongly about; a sense of urgency, both to make moments count and to pursue passions and talents; frustration when things don’t go my way (I will admit that, in my head, I’ll occasionally whine at the universe, like, “Come on! A little help here, please!”); and then annoyance at myself for not being zen and for letting my ego get the best of me.
Late last year, I had a falling out with an old friend, and her parting words were “Good luck cleansing your aura,” which was meant to be a put down, I suppose. It’s been a tough year for me, even more so than when I had my Ladies’ Home Journal/Seventeen fiasco years back. I’ve moved, struggled (a lot!) to make ends meet, lost a close friend, fallen in love, faced the reality of losing my mother, and dealt with the overwhelming doubt that comes from pursuing a far-fetched dream that (only) you feel is attainable…but is ever-so-slightly beyond your grasp. Although I’m a just a regular old person like any other—at any point alternately happy, sad, selfish, giving, open-minded, stubborn and a mass of contradictions—I do try to be the very best person I can be, and knowing that my mother will be gone soon makes me want to honor her by being good, doing good and making it all worth it. Nobody’s perfect, so I think there’s beauty and wonder in simply trying, whatever your issues and goals and gifts and personal setbacks might be.
Along with millions of others (at my mom’s request!) I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, and it’s speaking to me on a very profound level. When I get buzzing or stressed, running around like a little chicken with my head cut off, I can pick it up, flip to any page, and find something that calms and recenters me. I really recommend it. It deals with ego, the self and the importance of living in the moment…so, yeah, it’s a hippie-drippy self-help book. (Oh, California, what have you done to me?) Regardless, if you’re a fellow seeker, check it out. If you’re not, it’s back to our regularly scheduled programming later today with a beauty giveaway from Clinique. Love to you all, xo, J.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:27 am
i am very sorry to hear things aren’t going well with your mom’s treatment. i will certainly continue to keep you and your mother and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
May 15th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I’m very sorry, Nadine. Life is so hard. I want you (and your mom) to know that I appreciate you, your blog, and your book; I think what you do makes the world a better place in its own way. Please take care of yourself!
May 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I love u jolie!!! I wish your mom the best… stay strong!
May 15th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t going as hoped with the chemo. Stay strong, and best wishes to your family.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Prayers for your mother and my heart is with you. Sometimes being in the moment is just giving in to the grief and forgetting the zen altogether. Allow yourself the anger as well as the peace. I know it must be so hard for both of you right now. There’s just never the right time for something like this and it’s one thing a new lipstick can’t cure.
Feeling sad with you….Jen, The Closet Therapist
May 15th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Oh oh oh. Lots of prayers and (virtual) hugs to your mama and you and your family, sugar!
Don’t worry about blogging about anything you don’t want to right now. We get it.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I agree with everyone above….your mom has raised an incredible person who has touched more lives ALREADY and more than you know. A bright bright spot in many people’s lives.
And who says your dreams have to come true at 27? (Or however old you are now) You are on your way more than anyone!!
May 15th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
i’m so sorry to hear that. prayers for your mother and you.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I’m sorry to hear about your mom, after having many people pass in my life at a very young age, including my father when I was 14, i have found that the only thing you can do is be there with her whenever you can. Things can get hard, but you just have to focus on every little thing that is good or else your life just becomes worse. All my luck to your mom and you and I hope things get a little easier in the months to come
May 15th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I will be praying for you and your family. Hang in there…
May 15th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Dear Jolie,
I know I want to leave some sort of reply to this, as you said, rather “grim” news. But I’m not sure what to say. I’m sorry? Words of hope? Words of sincere condolences? I cannot find the words to type here, and I cannot figure out what to type to ease your pain. Perhaps there are no words.
I think your instinct to spend as much time as you can with your mother is perfect. I genuinely wish all the happiness in the world for you and your family at this time. And being a practicing atheist, I’m not usually one to pray, but I’m sending my thoughts to something- whether it be God, Zeus, or the vast Universe. Best wishes.
May 16th, 2008 at 8:38 am
Nadine, our thoughts and prayers are with you. For your mom’s sake, I will buy the book this weekend and read it.
Love,
Beckie
May 16th, 2008 at 9:30 am
I’ve never been good with words, so here’s a huge internet HUG for you. *****HUG*****
May 16th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
stupid cancer.
May 16th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
So sorry to hear things aren’t improving for your mom. Will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
May 18th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
i’m sorry to hear about your mom and wouldn’t be able to fathom the pain/hurt in the situation. hugs and prayers go out to you, your mom and family!
May 19th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Sorry to hear about your mom. Enjoy the time you have with her and stay strong. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. I’m sure she is very proud of you- I am so happy that you started this blog and I’m sure that is a reflection of the good of your mom in you.
May 20th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Very sorry to hear this Nadine. Just been through a cancer diagnosis myself (although nowhere near as serious) and it is not easy. Don’t be too tough on yourself OK? My prayers go out to you, your mom and the rest of your family. xoxo