Please don’t yell at me, but there is something about Victoria Beckham that, inexplicably, I love.  So much of what she represents is kind of icky and sad…and yet she actually seems like a really cool, family-oriented, savvy, fierce chick.  (At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what I think about Posh, since she’s laughing all the way to the bank and I’m just sitting here dumbly pondering whether she’s genius or ridiculous.)  This Juergen Teller-shot Marc Jacobs ad campaign makes me feel similarly meh?  On the one hand, what in God’s name is going on here?  And why?  And, just, ew.  Yet, on the other, these are the most interesting, unsettling advertising images I’ve seen since the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen Badgley Mischka-meets-The Shining campaign from two years ago.

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Seeing as she’s the beauty director of Vogue UK, you might assume Alexandra Shulman to be an enthusiastic champion of various cosmetic procedures, but in this fascinating editorial in today’s Daily Mail, she claims to have never had a single bit of “work” done.  Women are getting Botox and facelifts and Restylane injections, she says, because we want to look younger…but the fact that we’re emphatically not getting any younger makes every tweak a more insistent form of denial.  It’s a wonderfully valid point…but can’t you take it even further and then cast the net of derision over the entire anti-aging products industry?  When you boil it to the core—which is ultimately a terror of aging—what’s the difference between Botox, eyelifts and the bimonthly purchase of peptide and antioxidant creams?

My favorite quote comes at the very end of the article: ‘We broke through the glass ceiling, and we broke the gender barrier, with a tremendous amount of effort, and now we all want to look like Atomic Kittens (a UK pop band),’ she said. ‘Where is the emancipation in that?‘

I was invited to the 2008 MTV Movie Awards Gifting Suite today, so I dropped by around lunch, not really knowing what to expect.  Holy free stuff, Batman!  It was an utter orgy of swag (gee, Jolie, think you should have realized that sooner, seeing as the invite had “gifting suite” in the title and all?) and I felt genuinely mortified as people tried to shove things at me.  All I could think was, “Don’t need that…don’t want that…maybe I should just grab things and give them to charity…do I know anybody who needs free dog food?…ooh, champagne! no, it’s too early in the day…”  In the end, I took a pair of Tag Jeans, plopped an energy drink into my purse, grabbed some t-shirts, underwear and face cream to throw into this weekend’s beauty sale…and surrendered just a little bit of my soul.  (As I left, I spotted Whitney Port from The Hills—my second Whitney sighting in three weeks—looking adorable in a multi-colored sundress.  If I can find a photo of her online, I’ll post later.)

St. Angelina is on the July cover of Vanity Fair, looking seriously gorgeous and seriously preggers.  (Although if today’s news is to be believed, she’s given birth to girls named Isla and Amelia.  We’ll see.) HuffPo has a sneak preview of her interview in which she dishes on being pregnant: “I love it. It makes me feel like a woman. It makes me feel that all the things about my body are suddenly there for a reason. It makes you feel round and supple, and to have a little life inside you is amazing. Also, I’m fortunate. I think some women have a different experience depending on their partner. I think that affects it. I happen to be with somebody who finds pregnancy very sexy. So that makes me feel very sexy.”  Yeah, I think looking like Angelina Jolie and climbing into bed with Brad Pitt every night would make me feel super sexy, too. 

I adore this Hitchcock heroine 1950’s glamorous look: strong brows, red lips, fat curls, chocolate shadow and thin black liner.  (And lots of boobs.)

Who says pale can’t be beautiful?  Now, I can’t necessarily pull off the SPF 1000 look without appearing anemic, but Michelle Tractenberg is rocking the porcelain thing just fine.  Recreate it with a gel stain blush (like Benefit Benetint), peachy shadow and oodles of black liquid liner.

Dear US Weekly,

For the love of God, please no more covers with Heidi Montag or Spencer Pratt on them.  Ever. 

Love, Jolie

Photo from USmagazine.com

With the weather heating up and Jolie frequently forgetting to apply her beloved OC Eight Oil-Control Lotion (it’s my favorite trick to keep skin matte), I’ve had to use the following deslickifying trick more than once: public restroom toilet seat covers double as oil-blotting sheets in a pinch.  Try it; it really works! 

Naomi Campbell is proof positive that beautiful people can still be ugly on the inside.  After assaulting (I’m sorry, allegedly assaulting) two police officers at Heathrow airport last month, she was charged today in England with three counts of assault, one count of disorderly conduct, and one count of threatening, abusive behavior.  How is this woman still walking around in society and getting modeling and acting gigs?  Oh, that’s right, cause she’s so darned pretty!  If she’s convicted, she faces six months in prison…and heaven help her cellmate.

Photo from DailyMail.co.uk

Forbes.com has released their list of The 20 Hottest Young Royals, which catalogues the creme de la creme of unmarried royals under 35 years old.  So, alas, recently married Peter Phillips didn’t make the list, but those hottie Swedes did (Crown Princess Victoria, Carl Phillip and Madeline are all in serious relationships, but still technically on the market).  My personal favorite royal (collect them like trading cards!) Charlotte Casiraghi came in at number 5, after Prince William, Prince Harry, Zara Phillips and Princess Beatrice.  How Charlotte–Grace Kelly’s granddaughter and a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie–isn’t a bigger media darling is beyond me, but lucky for her, as she gets to have her rich, privileged, gorgeous cake and eat it in relative privacy, too.  C’mon–she’s stunning!

Photo from Forbes.com

T-minus two days until we all get to see Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte again.  I barely care about the plot; I just want my cinematic equivalent of a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.  (New York Super Fudge Chunk, please!)  The girls came out yesterday to Radio City Music Hall in New York for the premiere:

Say what you will about the Martian/Saran Wrap-quality of her dress; Sarah Jessica Parker’s still got it.  I adore her with long, loose, sex-kitten hair like this

Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kim Cattrall are sheer perfection.  Bravo, ladies—absolutely flawless!

I love Jennifer Hudson’s dress, but I’m less sure about her Katie Holmes/Posh Spice bob…

Photos from Usmagazine.com